Soliloquy

Love him? Do I love him? How can he stand there infront of me, look me in the eye, and even feel a shadow of a doubt. Can he not hear my heart pound a million times a minute, hammering its longing against my ribs so hard it hurts to touch my chest? Can he not see my blood rise in my face when he smiles at me, the way my cheeks flush like a new born rose? Surely my facade is not strong enough to hide the feelings that must glimmer behind, the longing that fills me, hurts me, rips at me when i watch him walk away.
How can he ask that, staring with those grey eyes that waver like the sea on the shore before a storm? How can he not understand the goosebumps that run up my arm at the fiery touch of his fingertips?
Listen! Listen to how my heart begs for you deep inside me! You foolish boy, so innocent to what you do not understand, listen to how my body pleads for your touch, for the smell of your skin, for the glance of your eye upon mine. As I cry for you in my sleep, long for you in my wake, hum to the sound of your beating heart when all other sound has faded away, how can you doubt me?
And yet look at you, so broken, so cold. How can you believe for one second I would hurt you like this? How can you bare to think that I, a fool to your words, would dare to stab you in such a way? You can't even see that plea of my eyes for your belief in me, so dead are you in my presence now. And how much I would give for you to see that I can't live without you. That I couldn't break you like this.
I couldn't hurt you, my love. I couldn't. Not even with the anger in your face, the hatred flaring across your perfect lips, I could not burn you. Not if you broke me the way that I have broken you, never could I turn my fist to your cheek.
If that is not love, then I know only hate. For if love is the greatest pain, then it is because we don't know the pain of hate.